WHAT IS COUNSELLING?
What is counselling, and what can I expect?
Starting counselling can feel like a big step, particularly if you have never spoken to a counsellor before. You may wonder what you are supposed to talk about, whether you will be expected to answer difficult questions, or even whether the things you are experiencing are “serious enough” for counselling.
Counselling offers you a confidential space to talk about what is happening in your life, explore your thoughts and feelings, and begin to understand yourself and your experiences more fully.
My approach is person-centred and Rogerian. This means I will not arrive with a set of answers for you. I believe that you are the expert in your own life and that counselling works best when we explore what is happening together, at a pace that feels right for you.
What is counselling?
Counselling is a form of talking therapy in which you meet regularly with a trained counsellor to explore emotional or psychological concerns, experiences or difficulties in your life.
But counselling does not have to begin with a particular problem or diagnosis. Sometimes people know exactly what has brought them to counselling. At other times, they simply know that something does not feel right.
You may be experiencing anxiety or low mood, struggling with a relationship, coping with bereavement or loss, living with the effects of physical illness, dealing with pressures at work, or trying to understand thoughts and feelings that have become difficult to manage alone.
Counselling gives you somewhere to bring those experiences without having to protect, reassure or please the person listening to you.
Why do people come to counselling?
People seek counselling for many different reasons. Sometimes a particular event changes things. At other times, difficulties build gradually until thoughts or feelings begin to interfere with everyday life.
You might find yourself:
- feeling anxious, low or overwhelmed
- struggling with feelings of worthlessness or self-doubt
- experiencing difficulties within a relationship
- coping with bereavement, loss or significant change
- dealing with stress or difficulties at work
- adjusting to physical illness or changes in your health
- finding it difficult to talk openly with the people closest to you
- wanting to understand yourself, your feelings or your relationships more fully.
You do not need to fit neatly into one of these descriptions to come to counselling. Sometimes the starting point is simply knowing that you would like someone to listen.
Will a counsellor tell me what to do?
In person-centred counselling, my role is not to tell you how to live your life or to make decisions for you.
Friends and family often offer advice because they care about us. That advice may be well intentioned, but it is inevitably influenced by their own experiences, beliefs and hopes for us.
Counselling offers something different. I will listen carefully and try to understand your experience from your point of view. Together we can explore what you are thinking and feeling, including things that may be difficult to say elsewhere.
I may be a trained counsellor, but that does not make me the expert on you.
You are the expert in your own life.
My role is to work alongside you while you develop your own understanding and find the choices and answers that feel right for you.
What happens in a counselling session?
It is completely understandable to feel nervous before your first counselling session.
You may worry that you will not know what to say, that there will be uncomfortable silences, or that you will somehow “get counselling wrong”.
There is no correct way to be a counselling client.
Our first conversations give us an opportunity to talk about what has brought you to counselling, what you hope might change and any concerns you have about the process itself.
You do not need to arrive with your thoughts organised.
Part of my responsibility as your counsellor is to create and maintain a relationship in which you gradually feel safe enough to be yourself. As trust develops, it can become easier to explore thoughts and feelings that may previously have been difficult to understand or express.
Do I have to talk about things I’m not ready to discuss?
No.
Counselling should respect your autonomy.
Different counsellors work in different ways and use different theoretical approaches, but I do not believe that a counsellor should force you to talk about something or pressure you into trying something you are not comfortable with.
There may be subjects that take time before you feel ready to approach them. That is okay.
Person-centred counselling allows the work to develop at your pace. If something feels uncomfortable within our sessions, we can talk about that too.
Does counselling always feel comfortable?
Not necessarily.
Counselling can bring us into contact with uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, memories and questions.
Exploring these experiences can sometimes be difficult, particularly when they involve loss, relationships, changes in our lives or things we have avoided thinking about for a long time.
But difficult does not have to mean harmful.
Working through uncomfortable experiences can help us understand ourselves differently, develop greater self-acceptance and begin to recognise behaviours, attitudes or relationships that may no longer be helping us.
Change can involve loss as well as growth. Counselling provides somewhere for both to be acknowledged.
Why does the relationship with my counsellor matter?
Successful counselling is a collaborative process.
Each counselling relationship is as individual as the two people within it, which is why finding a counsellor you feel comfortable with matters.
Qualifications and professional training are important, but they are not the whole relationship.
You need to feel that your counsellor is genuinely listening to you, trying to understand you and respecting you as an equal participant in the process.
It can take time for that relationship to develop, particularly if trusting other people has previously been difficult.
I believe counselling works best when there is openness and genuineness on both sides and when you are able to experience the relationship as supportive rather than judgemental.
Counsellors are human too
Counsellors are not immune from life’s difficulties.
I do not believe an effective counsellor is someone who presents themselves as perfect or claims to have all the answers.
Counsellors undertake their own personal therapy as part of their training and may return to counselling throughout their careers. Experiencing counselling from the other chair can be an important reminder of how vulnerable it can feel to talk openly about ourselves.
For me, being a counsellor includes being self-aware and being comfortable enough to be seen as a fallible human being.
I believe that genuineness matters.
Counselling is not one perfect person fixing another. It is a relationship in which you have the opportunity to be heard, understood and increasingly able to accept and trust yourself.
Is counselling right for me?
Only you can ultimately decide whether counselling feels right for you.
You do not need to be in crisis, have a diagnosis or wait until things become unbearable before speaking to someone.
Equally, getting in touch does not commit you to a long course of therapy.
If you are considering counselling but feel uncertain, you are welcome to ask questions about how I work and whether my approach might suit you.
Not sure where to begin?
You do not need to know exactly what you want to say before contacting me. If you would like to talk about counselling, what you are experiencing or whether working together might feel right for you, please get in touch.